Memorable Quotes from
The Matrix (1999)

Agent Smith: It seems that you've been living two lives. One life, you're Thomas A. Anderson, program writer for a respectable software company. You have a social security number, pay your taxes, and you... help your landlady carry out her garbage. The other life is lived in computers, where you go by the hacker alias "Neo" and are guilty of virtually every computer crime we have a law for. One of these lives has a future, and one of them does not.

Agent Smith: I'd like to share a revelation that I've had during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species. I realized that you're not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment, but you humans do not. You move to an area, and you multiply, and multiply, until every natural resource is consumed. The only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet, you are a plague, and we are the cure.

Oracle: You're cuter than I thought. I can see why she likes you.
Thomas "Neo" Anderson: Who?
Oracle: Not too bright, though.

Agent Smith: Do you hear that, Mr. Anderson? That is the sound of inevitability.

Agent Smith: Did you know that the first Matrix was designed to be a perfect human world? Where none suffered, where everyone would be happy. It was a disaster. No one would accept the program. Entire crops were lost. Some believed we lacked the programming language to describe your perfect world. But I believe that, as a species, human beings define their reality through suffering and misery. The perfect world was a dream that your primitive cerebrum kept trying to wake up from. Which is why the Matrix was redesigned to this: the peak of your civilization.

Memorable Quotes from
Coupling: The Complete First Season (2001)


Giggle Loop (Jeff)
"You are surrounded by people for a moment of silence when the Giggle Loop begins... Suddenly out of nowhere this thought comes into your head: the worst thing I could possibly do during a minute's silence is laugh. And as soon as you think that you almost do laugh -- automatic reaction. But you don't, you control yourself, you're fine. Whew."

"But then you think how terrible it would have been if you laughed out loud in the middle of a minutes silence. And so you nearly do again, only this time it's a bigger laugh. And then you think how awful this bigger laugh would have been. And so you nearly laugh again, only this time it's a very big laugh, it is an enormous laugh. Let this bastard out, and you get whiplash. And suddenly you are in the middle of this completely silent room and your shoulders are going like you are drilling the road. And what do you think of this situation? Oh dear Christ, you think it's funny!"
Series 1, Episode 3 (Sex, Death and Nudity)


The Perfect Girlfriend (Jeff)
"I need breasts with brains. I don't mean individual brains, obviously... I mean, not a brain each. You know, I like intelligent women, but you've got to draw the line somewhere... I think breast brains would be over-egging the woman pudding."
Series 1, Episode 5 (The Girl with Two Breasts)


To be a Lesbian (Jeff)
"Wouldn't that be great, being a lesbian? You'd have all the advantages of being a man, but with less embarrassing genitals. Plus every time you have sex, there's four breasts: two guest breasts and two you can take home afterwards."
Series 1, Episode 4 (Inferno)



Lesbians in Film (Patrick)
"I like films with lesbians in them cause it's nice to think there are attractive women out there who can't find a boyfriend."
Series 1, Episode 4 (Inferno)



Nudity Buffer (Jeff)
Jeff: "When you first see an attractive woman, you've got a nudity buffer of maybe, 5 minutes before you've fully worked out what she looks like naked."
Patrick: "A whole 5?"
Jeff: "Well, you've got to assess her nipple type, that takes time."
Patrick: "Good point."
Series 1, Episode 5 (The Girl With Two Breasts)



The Sock Gap (Jeff)
Jeff's foreplay advice to Steve:
"When exactly do you take your socks off? My advice is to get them off right after your shoes, and before your trousers. That's the sock gap. Miss it, and suddenly you are a naked man in socks. No self-respecting woman would ever let a naked man in socks do the squelchy with her."
Series 1, Episode 2 (Size Matters)



A Girlfriend's Three-Stage Strategy for Having a Threesome (Steve)
1. Darling, I'd love to try a threesome.
2. Darling, one day I'd consider a threesome.
3. Darling, I'm pregnant, there's your threesome!



Memorable Quotes from
Star Trek: First Contact (1996)

Lieutenant Commander Data: Believing oneself to be perfect is often the sign of a delusional mind.

Memorable Quotes from

House M.D. Season One       


Pilot (2004)

Dr. Gregory House: Everybody lies.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Dr. House doesn't like dealing with patients.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Isn't treating patients why we became doctors?
Dr. Gregory House: No, treating illnesses is why we became doctors, treating patients is what makes most doctors miserable.

Paternity (2004)

Dr. Gregory House: [examining a baby] No fever, glands normal. Missing her vaccination dates.
Young Mother: We're not vaccinating.
Dr. Gregory House: Think they don't work?
Young Mother: I think some multinational pharmaceutical company wants me to think they work. Pad their bottom line.
Dr. Gregory House: Mmmm. May I?
he takes the baby's frog and starts to do a gribbit noise with the baby]
Young Mother: [whispered] Sure.
Dr. Gregory House: Gribbit, gribbit, gribbit.
the baby laughs]
Dr. Gregory House: All natural, no dyes. That's a good business - all-natural children's toys. Those toy companies, they don't arbitrarily mark up their frogs. They don't lie about how much they spend in research and development. The worst a toy company can be accused of is making a really boring frog. Gribbit, gribbit, gribbit. You know another really good business? Teeny tiny baby coffins. You can get them in frog green or fire engine red. Really. The antibodies in yummy mummy only protect the kid for six months, which is why these companies think they can gouge you. They think that you'll spend whatever they ask to keep your kid alive. Want to change things? Prove them wrong. A few hundred parents like you decide they'd rather let their kid die then cough up 40 bucks for a vaccination, believe me, prices will drop *really* fast. Gribbit, gribbit, gribbit, gribbit, gribbit.
Young Mother: [Frightened] Tell me what she has.
Dr. Gregory House: [long suffering] A cold.

Maternity (2004)

Jill: My joints have been feeling all loose, and lately I've been feeling sick a lot. Maybe I'm over training; I'm doin' the marathon, like, ten miles a day,
House looks tired]
Jill: but I can't seem to lose any weight.
Dr. Gregory House: Lift up your arms.
she does so]
Dr. Gregory House: You have a parasite.
Jill: Like a tapeworm or something?
Dr. Gregory House: Lie back and lift up your sweater.
she lies back, and still has her hands up]
Dr. Gregory House: You can put your arms down.
Jill: Can you do anything about it?
Dr. Gregory House: Only for about a month or so. After that it becomes illegal to remove, except in a couple of states.
he starts to ultrasound her abdomen]
Jill: Illegal?
Dr. Gregory House: Don't worry. Many women learn to embrace this parasite. They name it, dress it up in tiny clothes, arrange playdates with other parasites...
Jill: Playdates?
Dr. Gregory House: [shows her the ultrasound] It has your eyes.
it's a baby]

Fidelity (2004)

Dr. Gregory House: Ah! The husband described her as being unusually irritating recently.
Dr. Cameron: And?
Dr. Gregory House: I didn't realize it was possible for a woman to be 'unusually' irritable.

Poison (2005)

Dr. Gregory House: [clears throat] ”I, Margo Davis have been informed of the risks which may arise from my refusal of advised medical care. I hearby release…”
Margo Davis: Who are you?
Dr. Gregory House: I work for the hospital. “...the Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital and its employees, agents and otherwise, from any adverse medical conditions resulting from my refusal. It is not the hospital's fault if my son kicks off.”.
Margo Davis: Kicks off?
Dr. Gregory House: I punched up the language. Mostly for clarification. “I understand my doctors consider my decision to be completely idiotic.”
Margo Davis: Why are you doing this?
Dr. Gregory House: “But I am convinced I know more than they do. I took a biology course in high school.” I assume thats... Yeah. “Besides, I enjoy controlling every single aspect of my son's life, even if it means his death”. Sign here please. I brought a pen.
Margo Davis: Who are you?
Dr. Gregory House: I'm the doctor who is trying to save your son. You're the mom who's letting him die. Clarification, its a beautiful thing.
Margo Davis: [horrified]

Histories (2005)

Chris Dewey: [trying to tell an uninterested House a patient's history] You're reading a comic book.
Dr. Gregory House: And you're drawing attention to your bosom by wearing a low-cut top.
she covers her chest with her clipboard]
Dr. Gregory House: Oh, I'm sorry, I thought we were having a "state-the-obvious" contest. I'm competitive by nature.

Detox (2005)

Dr. Gregory House: Fine. Have it your way. Immaculate conception.
Susan: Um, what do I do?
Dr. Gregory House: Well, it's obvious - start a religion.

Cursed (2005)

Dr. Gregory House: You mentioned leishmaniasis and filariasis. Where did you hear about them?
Jeffrey: I told you, I found them on the Internet.
Dr. Gregory House: What, did you search of "obscure tropical diseases that don't match my son's symptoms?"

Role Model (2005)

Dr. Gregory House: [to the Senator] Some day there will be a black president. Some day there will be a gay president. Maybe there will even be a gay, black president. But one combination I do not see happening is gay, black, and dead. You need to stop lying to me.

Edward Vogler: [to the audience] But hey, why listen to me? I own the company. I’m certainly not to be trusted, right? [laughter] Dr. Greg House, on the other hand, has a reputation for integrity, among other things. [scattered laughing] Ladies and gentlemen, Dr. Greg House.
Dr. Gregory House: Eastbrook Pharmaceuticals’ extraordinary commitment to research excellence is exemplified by their new ACE inhibitor, a breakthrough medical approach that will protect millions from heart disease. [leaves podium]
Edward Vogler: [to House] That’s not a speech.
Dr. Gregory House: I thought it was pithy. You got enough for a press release anyhow..
Edward Vogler. Foreman or Cameron.
Dr. Gregory House: [back on podium, to the audience] A few things I forgot to mention. Ed Vogler is a brilliant businessman, a brilliant judge of people and a man who has never lost a fight. You know how I know that the new ACE inhibitor is good? ‘Cause the old one was good. The new one is really the same, just more expensive. A lot more expensive. You see, that’s another example of Ed’s brilliance. Whenever one of his drugs is about to lose its patent, he has his boys and girls alter it just a tiny bit, patent it all over again, making not just a pointless new pill, but millions and millions of dollars. Which is good for everybody, right? Except the patients. But - [Scoffs] who cares? They’re just so damn sick. God obviously never liked them anyway. All the healthy people in the room, let’s have a big round of applause for Ed Vogler. [House applauding, audience quiet]
Dr. Gregory House: [to Vogler] I threw in a joke.

Dr. Allison Cameron: [giving differential diagnosis] Idiopathic T-cell deficiency?
Dr. Gregory House: Idiopathic, from the Latin meaning we're idiots 'cause we can't figure out what's causing it. Give him a whole body scan.
Dr. Allison Cameron: You hate whole body scans.
Dr. Gregory House: 'Cause they're useless. Could probably scan every one of us and find five different doodads that look like cancer.

Love Hurts (2005)

Ramona: My OB-GYN died recently. Nice man. Warm hands.
Dr. Gregory House: Not any more.

Three Stories (2005)

Dr. Gregory House: I choose to believe that the white light people sometimes see, visions this patient saw, they're all just chemical reactions that take place when the brain shuts down
Dr. Eric Foreman: You choose to believe that?
Dr. Gregory House: There's no conclusive science. My choice has no practical relevance to my life, I choose the outcome I find more comforting
Dr. Cameron: You find it more comforting to believe that this is it?
Dr. Gregory House: I find it more comforting to believe that all this isn't simply a test.

The Honeymoon (2005)

Dr. Cameron: What happened to "Everybody Lies"?
Dr. Gregory House: I lied.

Dr. James Wilson: Hey, you have to treat this like a regular case.
House gets into the elevator]
Dr. James Wilson: Be yourself: cold, uncaring, distant.
Dr. Gregory House: Please, don't put me on a pedestal.

Memorable Quotes from
House M.D. Season Two


Acceptance (2005)

Dr. Cameron: Department of justice statistics show it's a racially motivated form of punishment. Black defendants are ten times more likely to get a death sentence than whites.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Doesn't mean we need to get rid of the death penalty. Just means we need to kill more white people.

Dr. Gregory House: [House is eating lunch while sitting next to a patient in a coma] He doesn't mind, I asked.

TB or Not TB (2005)

Dr. Gregory House: Nobel invented dynamite. I won't accept his blood money.

Hunting (2005)

Dr. Gregory House: [after Mark catches House in his home alone with Stacey] It's not what you think. I know it looks like we're cleaning dishes, but actually, we're having sex.

House vs. God (2006)

Dr. Gregory House: If a person talks to God, he's religious. If God talks to him, he's psychotic.

Forever (2006)

Dr. Gregory House: I like my coffee like I like my brain-damaged neurologists. Black.

No Reason (2006)

Dr. Gregory House: Well, I always say if you're gonna get shot, do it in a hospital.

Jack Moriarty: If I had killed you, would it have mattered?
Dr. Gregory House: Not to me.
Jack Moriarty: You don't care if you live or die?
Dr. Gregory House: I care because I live. I can't care if I'm dead.
Jack Moriarty: I don't want to hear semantics.
Dr. Gregory House: You anti-semantic bastard.

Memorable Quotes from
Firefly (2002)

Jayne: You know what the chain of command is? It's the chain I go get and beat you with 'til you understand who's in ruttin' command here.

Book: If you take sexual advantage of her, you're going to burn in a very special level of Hell, a level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater.

Zoë: Shepard, isn't the Bible kind of specific about killing?
Book: Very specific. It is, however, somewhat fuzzy around the area kneecaps.

Jayne: So, like, never?
Book: Well, no.
Jayne: Not ever, never?
Book: Some orders allow shepherds to marry, but I follow a narrower path.
Jayne: But you still got the urge. They don't... cut it off or nothin'?
Book: No, I'm more or less intact. I just direct my energy elsewhere.
Jayne: You mean like masturbatin'?

Memorable Quotes from
C'era una volta il West/Once Upon a Time in the West (1968)

Harmonica: Are you Frank?
Snaky: Frank sent us.
Harmonica: Did you bring a horse for me?
Snaky: Well... looks like we're...
Snaky: ...looks like we're shy one horse.
Harmonica: You brought two too many.

Harmonica: I saw three of these dusters a short time ago, they were waiting for a train. Inside the dusters, there were three men.
Cheyenne: So?
Harmonica: Inside the men, there were three bullets.

Memorable Quotes from
Analyze This (1999)

Dr. Ben Sobol: Oedipus was a Greek king who killed his father and married his mother.
Boss Paul Viti: Fuckin' Greeks.

Boss Paul Viti: You know me?
Dr. Ben Sobel: Yes.
Boss Paul Viti: No you don't.
Dr. Ben Sobel: Okay.
Boss Paul Viti: You see my picture in the paper?
Dr. Ben Sobel: Yes.
Boss Paul Viti: No you didn't.
Dr. Ben Sobel: I don't even get the paper.

Memorable Quotes from
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997)


[Returning Austin's personal property after reanimating him.]
Guard: One Swedish-made penis enlarger.
Austin: [to Vanessa] That's not mine.
Guard: One credit card receipt for Swedish-made penis enlarger signed by Austin Powers.
Austin: I'm telling ya baby that's not mine.
Guard: One warranty card for Swedish-made penis enlarger pump, filled out by Austin Powers.
Austin: I don't even know what this is! This sort of thing ain't my bag, baby.
Guard: One book, "Swedish-made Penis Enlargers And Me: This Sort of Thing Is My Bag Baby," by Austin Powers.     


Austin Powers: Only sailors use condoms, baby.
Vanessa Kensington: Not in the nineties, Austin.
Austin Powers: Well they should, those filthy beggars, they go from port to port.


[Filling out a form.]
Austin Powers: Name? Austin Danger Powers. Sex? Yes please!                  



Alotta Fagina: In Japan, men come first and women come second.
Austin: Or sometimes not at all.                  



[Austin and Vanessa see a man decapitated.]
Austin Powers: Not the time to lose one's head.
Vanessa Kensington: No.
Austin Powers: That's not the way to get ahead in life.
Vanessa Kensington: No.
Austin Powers: It's a shame he wasn't more headstrong.
Vanessa Kensington: Hmm.
Austin Powers: He'll never be the head of a major corporation.
Vanessa Kensington: Okay, that'll do.
Austin Powers: Okay.                  



Memorable Quotes from
Utopia Season 2 (2014)

Episode 6 (12 Aug. 2014)

Terrence is waiting at a coach station in London. A young mother with her little boy  joins him. The boy sneeses.

Terrence: Bless you.

Mother: Sorry. He's got a touch of flu.

Terence: Yeah, it's going around.

Mother: Are you going somewhere nice?

Terence: Just getting away for a bit. Somewhere no one can find me.

Mother: God, that sounds great. Ha. We're off on holiday, to the south of France.

Terence: Oh, nice.

Mother: It's a long way by coach.

Terence: I know.

Mother: It's just, you know...the environment.

Terence: Yes, we should all think of that.

Mother: I don't want to sound like a twat, but I just...You know, I do think that we've all got a responsibility. I just do.

Terence: No, you're right, we do. We all do. (Points at the boy) Why did you have him, then?

Mother: Sorry?

Terence: Nothing uses carbon like a first-world human. Yet you created one.

Mother: Er...

Terence: Why? Why would you do that? He will produce 515 tonnes of carbon in his lifetime. That's 40 trucks' worth.

Having him was the equivalent of nearly 6,500 flights to Paris. You could have flown 90 times a year, there and back, nearly every week of your life, and still not had the same impact on the planet as his birth had.

Mother: Yeah, but I don't think...

Terence: Not to mention the pesticides, detergents, the huge quantity of plastics, the nuclear fuels used to keep him warm. His birth was a selfish act. It was brutal. You have condemned others to suffering. In fact, if you really cared... what you'd do is cut his throat open right now.

Mother (scared): Excuse me?

Terence: Or I could do it for you. I could take out my knife, make an incision in his neck, walk away. I'd get my coach over there and you would have done more thanyour bit for the future of humanity. I could do it now.

(Smiles) But look at me chatting. I think they're about to leave.

I hope he gets over that flu. But maybe he just shouldn't.